Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed
Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.
Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by
Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's
no glitch."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to
the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to
Oregon before you
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck
Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his
backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it
was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick
to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling
of it.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive
with his roundhouse kicks.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree
in existence.
There are only two things in the world that can cut diamonds... other diamonds and Chuck Norris!!!
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
THe laeding causes of death in the United States are: 1.Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck coverd in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting....Chuck Norris goes KILLING.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite
TV.
